Being mad isn't bad. Being mad is no reason to start a fight.

—Julie P Peterson and Rebecca A. Janke

Children learn best when parents find ways to acknowledge and be with their own feelings in an accepting and responsible way; make assertive statements about themselves ("I really lost it there. I need to apologize and remember to not try and work out a problem with your dad when we're both tired"); acknowledge their child's feelings as real and legitimate, without passing judgement on those feelings; and teach their children, primarily through their example, to handle their own feelings responsibly and assertively (I am angry right now because you broke your agreement with me. I need some space to calm down before we talk about this).

The ability to speak from the heart and to communicate clearly—without shaming or blaming--are two of the most important skills needed for resolving conflicts. Few of us are able to problem-solve when we are upset. Children too, should not be forced to participate in a conversation when they are not ready to. First, take time to calm down!

The most influential way we teach anger management is the way we manage our own.

—Barbara Oehlberg

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