This trust in the essential goodness of the child helps me recognize that Siena's acting out may be an attempt to communicate fears or needs that she is unable to verbalize. Like all children, often she does not know what's bothering her, only that something is. Comments such as "if you don't tell me I can't help you," only escalate the fear. It's not a time for coddling, but for paying attention, and respecting her experience of fear or anxiety, even if I see no apparent cause.

I believe that the crucial point in offering guidance and in making corrections is that the child's goodness is never the issue. Loving and learning is. When Siena makes an error, she does not need shaming or blaming, condemnation or punishment. She needs my compassionate acknowledgment and guidance, an opportunity to be effective. I may offer her an alternative, and an opportunity to rectify the action. At two, if she has spilled her juice, she can generally participate in cleaning it up. Perhaps bringing the sponge, perhaps actually mopping it up with me. At times, she can wipe it up alone, with a little more or less help. If she is tired, my demanding that she do what I might ask of her at another time is simply not reasonable. I convey what I feel and want, but am less demanding of her. 

---