Valuable life energy is wasted in burdening yourself with guilt and blame. (“I should have done this.” “I shouldn’t have done that.”) These “shoulds” are danger signs if they are accompanied by feelings of self hatred. Approach them gently, with caution. You need to examine them to determine whether they are just hangovers from early training (“You should always smile”), or whether they are self imposed demands and unrealistic beliefs that have no basis in your current reality. (“I should do everything perfectly or not at all.” “I should never let others see me as weak, or they will take advantage of me.”)

Learn to observe yourself more honestly and to show compassion for any areas that are not meeting your expectations. This will help you stay well. Self hatred can build up an internal rigidity that is stressful on your system. Your emotional energy becomes toxic and that negativity weakens your immune system. With compassion, you open yourself up again, letting energy flow more freely through your whole body, soothing your emotions and clearing your mind.

Many body oriented therapies such as massage, rolfing, and bioenergetics, are designed specifically to help release years of accumulated resentment and rigidity. Any effort to change will only be lasting and life supporting if it grows in a soil that has been nourished with compassion. Without the compulsiveness of shoulds, your journey to wellness can be a joyous adventure.

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